Talacious Displays of Wit

Stepparent

21 February 2010 – Tala, after I explained to her what a stepparent is:

“Ah, like you and _____.”

The answer was a very quick and resounding “NO.”

“HELL NO” was the more accurate reaction, but I have learned to control my rather acidic tongue.

Becoming Woman

27 February 2010 – While scrubbing herself in the shower…

“I have hair here o…” (pointing at her legs)

“Okay, that’s nice.”

“I’m beginning to be like you!”

“Uh huh.”

“Oh my gosh! I’M BECOMING A WOMAN!”

Onning

01 March 2010 – Again, in the shower… Tala was dilly-dallying with getting on with her bath, and I was getting impatient.

“Tala, turn on the shower already!!!”

“It’s ONNING!!!!!!!!!!”

Right. Sounds like Tita Kay.

Tatay on Kris Aquino

08 March 2010 – Tatay, speaking about Kris Aquino:

“She is the word “showbiz” defined.”

That FLOORED me.

Kids on Butterflies

14 March 2010 – Zivv and Tala were tasked with packing away stuff in the bedroom. Gonzo lay still on the bed, wrapped in a blanket. When Tita Glenda asked him to help the other two pack up…

“I have to turn into a beautiful butterfly first.”

A few minutes later…

“Zivv, turn yourself into a cocoon so you can be a beautiful butterfly too.”

“Okay, sure, why not.”

(Gonza)loquacious Quip #7

While taking a shower…

Gonzo: Mama, look at my underarm. I have cancer.
Mama: (heart beating fast) Why do you say that? Does it hurt? I don’t feel any lumps.
Gonzo: It’s dark. Lola said that’s a sign of cancer.
Mama: (mentally counting to ten while breathing deeply and praying for calm) Not necessarily. It could be hormones. Remember when Mama was pregnant? I had dark underarms, too.
Gonzo: I’m pregnant?

(Gonza)loquacious Quip #s 4, 5 & 6

(Gonza)loquacious Quip #4

“You know what, Mama, Lila was looking for you earlier. She was so hungry she tried to dodoy on Papa’s nibbles!”

(Gonza)loquacious Quip #5

Imagine if you had to deal with this at 7:20 in the morning on the way to school:

Gonzo: Mama, what’s a dick?
Mama: Err…why do you ask?
Gonzo: Because my classmate said it’s the English for “tutoy.”
Mama: Yes, it is. (hiding a grin on face)

(Gonza)loquacious Quip #6

Gonzo on his really fun Lantern Parade experience at UP:

Gonzo: After high school, I want to go to your school!
Mama: If you want to go to UP, I will be very happy to let you.
Gonzo: Ok, what are the rules there?
Mama: There are no rules.
Gonzo: Yay! I can run wild!

(Gonza)loquacious Quip #3

Got this message from Ninang G, Gonzo’s mom:

Co-parent at school told me about an incident with his son supposedly caught giving the dirty finger to a classmate. So I had a talk with a Gonzo.

Mama: You know, ___’s Papa said he was accused of giving the dirty finger to one of your classmates. Do you know what a dirty finger is?
Gonzo: (guilty look on his face) Yeah…I got that, too.
Mama: (speechless and horrified)
Gonzo: (shows dirty fingernails) Sorry, Mama, I just can’t remove the clay from my nails!

(Gonza)loquacious Quip #2

Gonzo and theology:

Gonzo: Mama, is rain holy water?
Mama: Er… no, anak. Holy Water is water blessed by the priest.
Gonzo: But God made the rain, so it’s blessed by God. So rain is Holy Water.

(Gonza)loquacious Quip #1

I finally came up with a title for another character, my cousin-who’s-young-enough-to-be-my-nephew Gonzo (real name Gonzalo). He is a very verbose, seven-year old, Catholic schoolboy, whose antics have been reenacted by Tala and Zivv in their respective homes. When the three of them are together… well, let’s just say we already know what it feels like to have ‘all hell break loose.’

At Brothers Burger -

Mama: Ano?! Dalawang burger sa yo?! (What?! Two burgers just for you?!) You are eating me out of house and…
Gonzo: LOT!